Make Awkward Sexual Advances, Not War!
by Predtards
Summary: THIS IS A ONE SHOT. If you want more of this story, it is now being written under the story "Better With My Eyes Shut". A young man struggles to keep his mother and himself safe from not only alien creatures, but the very group he is leading.


Author's Note: Hello again! This is a one shot that will give you all a taste of the story to come after Hero is a Cheap Label. Let us know whether you like it or not. We're trying to decide how we want to go about this and your input is very important to us. You guys will get to decide how graphic (or not) this story will be later on.

Disclaimer: We don't own the Preds or Xenos. But we love Juanito!

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Make Awkward Sexual Advances! Not War!

(Totally not foreshadowing. Seriously.)

It had been a long day for Juan Carlos Fernando Onobanjo. He'd had to beat up a few of the men in his crew for saying unsavory things about his mother. Not that his mom couldn't have handled it, but when dealing with skin heads things had to be handled just so.

He sighed, shaking his head, the beads woven into his hair clacking, wishing that those idiots had never attacked him and his mother. Then he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. He stretched, looking around the makeshift camp. The men were glaring at him, muttering under their breath. He caught a snippet of an insult. Something involving his heritage. AGAIN.

Being the leader of some skin heads was one thing. Being half black and half Cuban and leading said group was something nobody ever would have imagined. He sat outside his tent, rubbing his temples. What he wouldn't give for one more good Tai Chi session. The headaches were getting worse.

He heard the tent screen behind him open and his mother stepped out. She smiled down at her only child. "Hello, Juan Carlos. How was your day? I mended some of your shirts for you!"

He smiled, trying to hide how tired he really was. "Fine, mama. Thanks for the shirts. You're the best."

Julietta sat down next to her son, smoothing her skirts. Frowning, she reached out a hand to her son's face. He had so many more lines in it. He was too young to be carrying such burdens. "Juanito… You work so hard. You must find more time to rest. You will look like your grandfather before you are yet thirty."

Gently removing the loving hand from his face, Juan simply held it in between his two much larger and darker ones. "I may not live to see thirty, mama."

Julietta frowned. "This is no way to talk, Juan Carlos. The good Lord, he protects us. We will be fine as long as we have faith."

Before Juan could reply, screams broke through the night. He surged up, grabbing his weapons. "Mama! Go with the other women and hide! There will be guards to protect you."

He turned to leave, but his mother reached out for him, clutching his arm. "Juan Carlos… Please come back to me. I hate watching you go to battle. If you didn't come back…"

Juan turned around, hugging his tiny mother carefully. "I killed one of the Masked Aliens, which no one else here has done. If anyone will come back alive, it is me. Now go. I love you, Mama."

Julietta nodded and ran off after the other women, while Juan took off towards the sounds of battle. He arrived and saw the skinheads battling a few of the Xenomorphs. A few men were already down, as was one Xeno. He brought up his gun, firing at the remaining beasts as he charged into the fray, howling a battle cry.

He called out orders, his voice resounding over the field of battle. He made the men split into groups of three or four, making them isolate the Xenos from each other. The men with rifles aimed to take out the mobility of the beasts, then the rest of the team, armed with smaller fire arms, would rush in to finish off the kill.

The battle was over a quarter of an hour later. Juan took a quick head count. Out of the fifteen men he'd brought to the field, eleven were left. He nodded, fairly pleased. Not a bad ratio, given what they were fighting. He turned, getting them back to camp.

He sent one of the skinheads to fetch the women and the two guards before getting everyone else moving to pack up camp. He took care of his own things as his mother came running up. She flung her arms around his neck, squeezing him close. "Juanito! I am so happy! I was so afraid that this would be the time you did not return."

Juan smiled, standing and breaking his mother's grip on his neck. "Just a few Xenos, Mama. Nothing I can't handle. Now come on, I need your help getting all this packed up. We need to move, and SOON."

Julietta nodded, darting into the tent. Juan walked off, chuckling as he heard his mother complaining about how he hadn't folded his clothes properly when he packed them. The other men and women were getting their tents down and he walked patrol around the group. He knew more was out there.

He peered into the lessening shadows carefully. He couldn't see any shimmers, but that didn't mean the Masked Aliens weren't there. He started when one of the skinheads came charging up, breathless and terrified. "I saw a shimmer! Outside the camp a ways!"

Juan took off, shouting at the others, getting them moving, trying to keep them together. "Remember, they like picking people off one by one! Stick close to everyone else! Don't panic, keep moving, and we'll be fine! Now go!"

Arriving at his own campsite, Juan scooped up his pack and the tent, leaving his mother with as little to carry as possible. She looked up at him, wide eyed. "Juanito? What is happening? I thought you said it was safe!"

Juan sighed, trying to hurry her along into the group of people migrating away. "It WAS safe, as safe as it ever gets. Now it's not. Vamos!"

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The day was spent traveling quietly and cautiously, but nothing else came to attack them. That night, the group found a nice camping spot near a river, complete with a small cave as a hiding spot for the women, just in case.

Juan finished setting up his tent and smiled as he heard his mother singing quietly to herself. He walked over to the river where she was scrubbing at their clothes and he crouched down next to her. "Hey, Mama."

Julietta kept scrubbing. "Hello, Juanito! Would you be good boy and go hang this with the others?"

Nodding, Juan took the dripping shirt and wrung it out as best he could before hanging it from a nearby tree. Julietta returned to her singing and he went to her side, continuing to help her in the chore. He enjoyed hearing the old songs she had sung to him as a child and, for a little while, his headache was put to rest.

Soon enough they had to leave for their tent. They gathered their mostly dry clothing, Julietta neatly folding and packing them away just so. Juan lay on his side, watching his mother work. He drifted off to the sound of her humming another lullaby.

He was jerked from slumber soon enough by the shrieks of the Xenos. Throwing off the blanket his mother had draped over him, he ran out into the night with the other men, heading for the sound.

By the time they arrived, all was quiet once more. Juan took point, carefully leading the group into the clearing. They all stared at the carnage before them. Body upon body littered the small space, each black corpse missing its head.

One of the skin heads whispered in the silence, his voice sounding like another gunshot. "One of the masked aliens is here…"

Juan nodded, before turning his back on the battle field and moving back to the camp. As the men stared at him, he glared over his shoulder. "We have to leave. NOW."

Once again, the entire group began to move, shuffling away their things, getting ready to make a hasty exit. As Juan attempted to rouse his mother, she gave him a mean look. "Juan Carlos. I am tired. I wish to sleep. I no longer care if those demons get me, if it means I can get a good night's rest. Go. Away. If the demons come, I give them a piece of my mind, too."

She rolled back over, pulling the blanket over her head. Juan sighed, resigning himself to simply carrying his mother again. He gently took her out of the tent and packed it up, piling on as much as he could carry, before asking someone else to get the rest.

The man did so with minimal grumbling and Juan was pleased. He didn't need any more trouble tonight. Scooping up Julietta, he cradled the small body and joined the group, happy his mother had never been very large in the first place.

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Once more the group settled down, this time in a small country house. Everyone was happy because it had its own well and they were all thirsty from their traveling. Most of the group set up on the ground floor, while Juan and his mother were given one of the rooms upstairs.

The second room upstairs was reserved for the four other girls. They were in the master bedroom, with the walk in closet partitioned off for "carnal relations". The skinheads were in and out most of the night, which normally didn't bother Juan. This time, however, the closet shared a wall with his room and the skin heads were not particularly discrete.

Giving up on sleep for the moment, he strode into the next room, barging into the closet. "Would you keep it the fuck down in here? My mom is trying to sleep and so am I! Shouldn't you be keeping watch anyway?"

The man groaned, sitting up. "It's my turn for watch next and I wanted to get more relaxed before I got my hands on my gun. Happy trigger finger and all."

Juan sighed, rubbing his temples. "Whatever. I don't care what the hell you do as long as you keep this shit down, all right?"

The man nodded, before turning to face the woman on her back and continuing his business in a much quieter manner. Juan shut the closet door, ready to go back to sleep, when a snide voice came from behind him.

"Weeell, hello there, Wantabanjo! Funny seeing YOU in here. I thought you were too into Mommy to pay any attention to these gals."

Juan winced as he rotated to face the most vocal of his anti supporters. Among all of the men, he wanted this man dead the most. And yet, he kept living. "Evening, Jake."

Jake was lounging with one of the other girls on his lap, clearly waiting his turn for the closet. His hands were casually molesting the brunette and she looked rather tired and annoyed by the proceedings.

Jake just grinned, his one gold tooth flashing in the moonlight. "So, tell me, Mama's boy. How is she?"

Juan clenched his fist. "WHAT did you say?"

Looking innocent, Jake looked up curiously. "What? I was just asking about her health. Older lady like her, you know. And she looks so TIRED lately."

Two or three other men had gathered by the door and they snickered at the implications. Juan took a deep breath, trying to remind himself that these men were useful alive. "Well, we have the Xenos to thank for that. The damn things are after us near every night."

Nodding solemnly, the gold tooth man shifted the girl in his lap. "Of course, of course. We should let our fearless leader get back to… Bed. Have a good night, Captain."

The men collected chuckled more, enjoying tormenting their leader. Juan sighed, desperately wanting to leave. "Good night, then."

Just as he was about to enter his room, one of the dumber men leaned over to another, trying to whisper and failing. "Hey… Do you think he's, you know… GAY?"

Whipping about, Juan strode over to the man who'd been foolish enough to say anything, picking him up by his collar, face inches away. "WHAT did you say, fucker?"

Whimpering, the skin head flailed, blabbering excuses and apologies to the very large, very angry, very DANGEROUS man holding him up on his tiptoes.

Juan shoved the man away, disgusted. Glaring at all assembled, he snarled. "Listen up, and listen good. I NEVER want to hear that insinuation about me EVER AGAIN. IS THAT CLEAR?"

No one said a word. Until Jake opened his mouth. "Hm… Seems to me that the lady doth protest too much! Eh, boys?"

One or two nervous chuckles came from the group, but nothing more. Turning to Jake, Juan glared. "You got something to say, _punta?"_

"Yeah, I do." Jake stood, shoving the woman off his lap. She squealed, before pouting and scootching over to her pile of blankets.

Jake stood toe to toe with Juan, looking up at the dark skinned boss. "I don't think I've EVER seen OR heard you with ANY girl at all! I think you're either banging your mom or you're gay. No other reason you wouldn't be screwing these willing ladies. So, which is it, Wantabanjo? You queer or incestuous?"

"NEITHER. I've had PLENTY of women. I just have OTHER things to take care of. Like your worthless LIFE. You're more useful to me alive than as a corpse."

Jake sneered. "Oh, yeah? Then prove it. Go on. I just DARE you to bang one of these bitches. Do it, pussy!"

Sighing and wishing he'd just tried ignoring the obnoxious noises, Juan pointed at the girl that Jake had had his sights on earlier. "Hey, you. Yeah, brunette. Come here."

She looked up at him, pouting. "But, I'm so tired… Can't I rest just a bit more? Doing this all night ain't easy, you know."

"NOW."

She sighed, standing, and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. While the fight had been going on, the man in the closet had come out with his girl, confused as to why everyone was so agitated. Juan grabbed the woman, striding past the confused and now satiated man, before slamming the door behind him.

Turning to the woman, he saw her scared face in the dimness. He knew some of the skin heads had… interesting tastes. They weren't always that gentle. Sighing again, he leaned in close to her ear, so no one outside would be able to hear. "All right, listen. I don't really want to do this, and neither do you, so let's just pretend, all right? Make lots of noise, tell them I'm the best you've ever had, whatever. Okay?"

She looked at him, deeply confused. "So, wait… You don't really want to sleep with me?"

"No, not really."

She gaped. "WHY? Am I not good enough? Are you really gay?"

He hit his head with his hand. "No, you twit! I'm CATHOLIC. No sex before marriage and all that. My mother would kill me AND the woman. Or make us get married. I can't tell which some days."

The woman quirked her head at him, hair falling over her shoulder. "So, you've never actually been with a woman? You were bluffing?"

"No sex before marriage means NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. They wouldn't understand, so I just lied my way out of it. I'll say some Hail Mary's for the lie later. Now, make noises! You know they're listening."

She began moaning, quietly, then getting louder. She made the occasionally thud with her hand, combining that with loud cries of pretended ecstasy. He added his own grunts and what he assumed were the normal sex noises to the mix.

They kept the charade up for a little while, for what seemed forever to them, but was, in reality, only about ten minutes.

After one final screaming gasp, the woman rumpled up her hair and clothing, before doing the same to Juan. After deciding they were both suitably mussed, she stumbled out the door, pretending to be thoroughly exhausted.

Giving a lazy smile to the men assembled, she waved, mumbled a good night, then fell into her bed. Juan came out, fixing up his shirt, giving a haughty glance to all assembled. Even Jake looked suitably impressed. Juan carefully smoothed a hand over his cornrows, smiling and heading out the door, calling back over his shoulder. "Have a good night, boys. Don't get too jealous."

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Juan had finally settled back into sleep. He never got enough rest on good days and having to deal with the skin heads tonight made it even worse. He and his mother slept soundly, until a sharp scream broke through the night once more. Both Onobanjos awoke, shooting up.

Julietta scrambled up, running for the other room. Juan sighed, knowing he would get several complaints from the men about his bossy mother getting into other peoples' business. "It isn't MY fault she considers herself the mother hen of those girls."

He stood, groaning as his back popped. He stretched, sighing. "Sleeping on the floor is KILLING my back and neck… Better than rocks, I suppose."

As he prepared to go step in next door, an explosion resounded from outside. He ran to the window, trying to spot the cause. A little ways off there was a ball of fire consuming what was left of an old, broken down truck.

"Those stupid skin heads! WHY do they keep fucking things up?" As Juan turned to go gather the group, he walked straight into a VERY solid object. He stumbled back, looking up, trying to see what he could have run into. He could see into the hallway, and yet he'd been stopped.

Suddenly, the air in front of him shimmered and one of the Masked aliens came into view. Juan gaped, leaning his head back to be able to see into its face. The beast was a sandy yellow and stood easily half a foot taller than him.

Juan attempted to step back, to reach for his weapons. The last time he'd taken one on this close, he almost hadn't made it out. But, the thing was too quick and grasped Juan by the back of his neck, pulling the struggling human close. Juan was then yanked up onto his tip toes, and felt his body protesting at all of the lifting and dragging.

The masked alien leaned down so that their faces were centimeters apart. Juan stared into the blank mask, terrified. His only real worry was that, if he was gone, who would keep the skin heads from hurting his mother? Who would protect her?

Juan felt the skulls on the being's hip bump against him and he shuddered in revulsion. His shudders grew worse as the alien poked at him, his arm and torso and head. He continued struggling, trying to pry the hand away from the back of his neck.

Then, the masked one ran one clawed finger down Juan's left arm. Juan stopped struggling, momentarily shocked into stillness. His mind was frantic. He was imagining things. The alien had NOT just stroked his arm. It was all just a terrible nightmare and any second his mother would wake him up, grumpy with him for snoring.

This hope was dashed quickly when that same finger began tracing a path over his torso. This was simply too much for Juan to take. He let out a horrified scream, thrashing wildly once more. "NO!"

The people gathered in the other room heard Juan's cries and Julietta led the short charge back through the hall and into the room. They all stopped at the sight of one of the masked aliens standing before them, tearing at Juan's shirt.

Julietta screeched just before one of the skin heads shot the beast in the back. The alien paused, dropped Juan on the bed, before turning to face the shooter. The man with the gun quailed, trying to get away, but he was too slow.

The alien charged forward, landing a solid punch on the shooter's torso, sending the human flying into the wall. A few others were knocked over during the man's flight. The masked one then turned away, surprising the collected group. Usually one of the masked ones didn't leave unless they were so full of gun holes that they could be used as night lights.

The monster strode towards the window as Juan stood. The dark skinned man had managed to find one of his blades and was crouched low, wary of the creature's approach. The masked one stopped, quirking its head at Juan, before reaching out and tearing away the rest of the shirt, leaving a few light scratches in his wake. The alien seemed to nod to itself before it crashed through the window, disappearing before it hit the ground.

Juan stood, staring after the alien as he was mobbed by his mother and his men, all asking him what had happened, why wasn't he dead, why weren't THEY dead and WHY on Earth that thing had tore his shirt.

"I don't know. I just don't know." Juan said, confused and afraid. He just wanted to go to bed and forget that any of this had ever happened.

Julietta hugged her son, before stepping back and picking up his shirt. Staring at the shredded clothing, she sighed heavily. "I do hope that thing does not do this often. I'll NEVER be able to fix all the clothes!"


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